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We’ll Be Alright.
The Light by Sara Bareilles We walked around the parking lot of Maple Grove Hospital after it was recommended by one the ambulance EMTs. The idea was to give them space and time to get William to M Health Children’s Masonic Hospital and in the NICU. We had talked to several people in such a…
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Love and Grace.
Oceans by Hillsong United The blood pressure cuff Alex had at home was now wrapped around my arm. I was sitting in William’s hospital room four days after he was born, humoring my husband and mom by taking my blood pressure. My ankles were extremely swollen and I had been battling a headache for a…
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Tragic and Incredible.
Dancing in the Sky sang by Liv Hardland I looked at Alex after parking my car outside of the white pillared building. I let out a loud breath and looked over at him. “I don’t want to do this.” He nodded and replied, “I don’t either.” I let myself cry for a few seconds- honestly,…
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Letting the Light In.
All I Know So Far by P!nk While I was pregnant with William, my life included a lot of driving. I would drive to work 5 days a week and two of those days, I would drive an hour each way to attend classes in St. Cloud. I was determined to finish the goal I…
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Namesakes and Hopeless Souls.
Oh Your Heart by Jeremy Cole William’s name was something Alex and I mulled over for almost my entire pregnancy. We had a girl name almost immediately, but the boy name felt a little more difficult to nail down. I remember sitting in the recliner in the nursery as Alex brushed his teeth a few…
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Let Love Meet Us Here Too.
Be Okay by Lauren Daigle I felt my phone buzz as I rode in the passenger seat of Alex’s grey Subaru Impreza. We were driving home from a weekend in Iowa with William’s Grandma Christi, Grandpa Karl, Uncle Jer, Auntie Claire, and cousins Shepherd and new baby, Truett William. I was feeling empty, as I…
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Gratitude and Grief
Sports by Viagra Boys I sat out on the front step alone as I listened to our quiet neighborhood. Squirrels and distant dogs barking. I noticed the sun shining and thought to myself, “how is that even possible?” How was it possible that the sun was shining when Alex and I witnessed our three-month-old son’s…
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The Change We Got.
A Change is Gonna Come performed by Otis Redding, Written by Sam Cooke When Alex and I got married, my sister-in-law Claire planned me a bridal shower. She hung pictures of Alex and I up, ordered balloons and secretly sent Alex questions and printed them out for the center of the tables. One of the…
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He Did and We Will.
Rise Up by Andra Day William had just gotten transferred to an adult-sized hospital bed so Alex and I could lay on either side of him before, during and after he was taken off of the support machines keeping him alive. He had four tubes called “cannulas” coming out of his abdomen that were his…
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Imagination and Strength.
Beam Me Up by P!nk As time passes and my human reality is reestablished, the thought of what William would look like passes through my mind often. Toward the end of his life, the head full of dark brown hair he was born with, was showing blonde. Blonde with a little bit of strawberry warmth…
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Stephany Luithly 