Keep Breathing by Ingrid Michaelson

I have one of my best friends, Rialee (Mariah Lee is her full name, but I can’t switch from Rialee over eight years later) who waxes my eyebrows. For the little amount of eyebrow hair I have, I’m pretty picky and she puts up with it with so much grace. Not to mention, her waxing skills are pretty dang good. Anyway…

A couple weeks ago, she had agreed to wax my eyebrows after we were both done with our clients and cleaning for the night. I laid back in the shampoo bowl and we started talking, like we always do. Then I overheard the last client on the other side of the wall, talking about being pregnant with her first child.

“Sometimes, when I hear someone talking about having their first baby, I want to warn them that it might not be what they’re hoping for.” I said candidly. Rialee, as always, validated my feelings and then was honest,

“That’s so valid. But if someone would’ve told pregnant Stephany that, you’d look at them like this…” she stood up, put her hand on her hip and rolled her eyes, “…and say, Why are you telling me that? I know that.” We both giggled and I agreed that pregnant Stephany (especially in the third trimester) wasn’t the most understanding when it came to advice or really… anything. She walked back to the wax pot and I closed my eyes again. When she came back to perfect my brows, I said softly,

“Thanks for still being my friend.” These words were accompanied by quiet tears. She sat back and said,

“What?” with surprise. I went on to explain that there were so many versions of me she had seen since we helped open the salon coming up on a decade later. I told her that I felt lucky that she stuck around through all of them.

She smiled and said, “I’ve loved every one of them.” I kept crying and laughing and said while waving my hands around,

“Tell me you’re emotionally unstable without telling me you’re emotionally unstable.” She laughed with me and then I continued, “I like this version of Stephany the best,” and I wiped tears as they started to slow. Rialee shook her head in agreement and said,

“I hate what got us to this version.” It was my turn to agree, and I did,

“Me too. But nothing else could’ve done this. This was all William.” We gave each other a soft smile and she finished my brows.

A couple days after this eyebrow wax conversation with Rialee, another one of my best friends Jess (William’s Auntie Jessi) along with one of my favorite “front desk girls,” Emily were all in the conference room. It’s one of my favorite spaces in the salon after it was renovated and expanded in 2021. It’s got a full window wall boxing it in from the hallway with an adjacent wall decorated with geometric stripes of our company colors. I was talking with Jess about her new(ish) roll as inventory manager. It was a position I held since about six month into the opening of the salon and I knew there was so much that went into it. I know first hand how much work goes into it all and have watched as Jess, who at some points has been like a younger sister to me, grow into such an incredible leader in that realm.

We talked about the projects she was working on and more tears started coming from me as I said, “I just want you to know how proud of you I am.” I wiped the water drops from my cheeks and continued, “I really believe this position needed you.” She thanked me and we continued talking about how I would’ve never left the position if it wasn’t for William, and it wouldn’t be nearly as great if I hadn’t left it.

I’ve talked with Amy, the front desk manager in a similar way. I promise I’m not making up how many “hats” I wore in that salon, but I started as the front desk manager. It’s a very long story, but I was pausing doing hair for a bit and when I interviewed Amy, I told her “You’re going to take my job someday.” We both laughed and Amy said,

“Really, I’m okay with a part-time job for now.” I knew in my bones that she would be in that leadership position at some point, and I was right. When I transitioned back into doing hair, she took over and has grown with it and the team these past several years.

I could go through every single one of my co-workers and say what a privilege it’s been to watch them each grow, but I won’t be doing that today. I do want to address the culture of that business though and what it’s meant for me. And what it’s meant for me to see William be apart of it this past year.

The culture of the salon has so many sides to it; all with good faces. There’s so much love and hope and motivation in the team I’m so proud to be apart of, and then there is the theme of this song. This song was one that played A LOT when the salon first opened and I hold a distinct memory of Rialee and I dancing around the space after hours singing it to each other. We’ve sent it to each other several times since then as a reminder that even when it feels like there’s so much to do, sometimes all we have to do is “keep breathing.”

The entire team has reminded me to do this, especially the leaders of it, Katie and Gavin. And Bailey, one of the stylists, who invited me into her home about a month after the salon doors opened. We were roommates for more than a year and she watched me grow from the PTSD ridden girl to William’s mom. She’s reminded me to keep breathing more times than I can count. Really, everyone else in that building too; most of the time without even saying it, has reminded me that, “[we all] want to believe in more… but all that [we] know is [we’re] breathing.”

We’ve said since the beginning of the journey in those walls that “we do life together.” It’s more than just hair and while the care and support and love we have for our clients is our top priority, we prioritize each other right along side our guests.

This includes big things in each other’s lives. New relationships, travels, marriages, pregnancies… divorces, failed friendships outside of each other, and deaths. Since I found out about being pregnant with William, all those people have been family; loving and supportive, even when I made it really hard. Then, when William died, I got texts and cards and phone calls from all of them. Katie, my boss, helped me get ready in the bathroom of the funeral home. Bailey sang a song with my brother during the service… Amy was the officiant at Alex and my wedding and then prayed with me when I was bleeding during my pregnancy with him. She also was one of the first people I called when I found out about my miscarriage; she prayed with me then too.

Again, I could go on forever, but instead I’ll leave it at this: William has changed so much, even in the salon team. Not only did he change me as a person, he’s helped change the positions I held at that salon when I wouldn’t have allowed those changes before him. He’s brought us all closer together (I’m not even sure how that was possible) and his spirit feels present when I’m there. And…

When “all we can do is keep breathing,” I know I can lean on my salon family, but not for too long before they all push me forward. I’m so looking forward to keeping on breathing with all of them, and hopefully, I’ll get the opportunity to remind them to “keep breathing” when it feels like the weight of their worlds is on top of their lungs.